Twenty-five years ago I was 24 years old, and I was the greatest thing since sliced bread. At least, that's what I thought. I had moved up fast. I was the youngest this and the youngest that. I was covering all of New York and Connecticut, and I was sure I had it all figured out.
Then I got a new boss. He's my mentor now, but back then I didn't think I needed one. He kept giving me feedback, and I kept nodding along and thinking, I've got this.
The meeting everyone loved
My first big annual meeting with my team came up, and he told me he was flying out for it. Great, I said. You're going to see something special.
He sat in the back of the room, and I was on fire. "Hey, everybody, are you glad to be here?" Afterward he asked me how I thought it went. Fantastic, I said. I knew he'd want a couple of things I could have done better, so I made those up right away.
A few weeks later he traveled with me to every one of my locations. At each one, he asked my managers the same question. What did you think of Mike's meeting? They loved it. It was so good. Then he asked a second question: what did you learn?
"I don't know, but it was funny."
Next location, same question, same answer. Then he asked one more. What have you implemented since then?
"Well, nothing really."
That's when he told me something I still think about. Stop trying to be the entertainer. It's fine some of the time. But in order to be an effective leader, you actually have to teach something.
The feedback I didn't believe
I didn't quite believe him. I'd sat through plenty of seminars where someone walked out and said, "Today we're going to talk about something very important, and I'm so excited to be here." I figured that if I just brought more energy, that would change everything.
So I didn't change the content. I took the content away and made it fun.
He kept coaching me anyway. He told me I had a hard time holding people accountable because I wanted to be everyone's friend. I faked it as best I could. It ended up in my annual review two years in a row, even though our numbers were good.
Three minutes that changed my career
Years later, I was about to apply for my first vice president role. A man I had just met walked me through a behavioral assessment I'd taken. He had known me for about three minutes.
He told me people would enjoy listening to me and talking with me. He told me I'd spend more time entertaining people from the front of the room than teaching them something. He told me I'd have a hard time holding people accountable. And he told me I'd struggle to follow through and follow up on the things that weren't important to me.
Then he said the part that stuck: "It doesn't mean you can't do it. It just means you have to do it better than you naturally do."
I sat there thinking, how does this guy know all this? It was better feedback than I'd gotten in the five years before. So I asked him how he knew.
"You shared information with me you didn't know you were sharing."
That's what a readback is. It isn't a magic trick. It's a mirror you can actually use.
What a drive is
The assessment shows four drives. A drive is a need, not a skill. It's something you need from your work, the way you need sleep.
How much influence you seek.
How much interaction you need.
How fast you want to move.
How much structure you want.
- 01 Dominance is how much influence you seek. The more you have, the more you want your thumbprint on everything.
- 02 Extraversion is how much interaction you need. Mine is very high. Walking around the office talking to people recharges me for the next hour of work.
- 03 Patience is how fast you want to move. Less patience means you want change, and you want it yesterday. More patience means you value steadiness and consistency.
- 04 Formality is how much structure you want. People with more of it want information, rules and detail before they decide. People with less want the headline and some freedom.
Everyone has all four. What makes you you is how strong each one is, and how they combine. None of these are good or bad. They are information. You can explore all four drives here.
The fix was smaller than I expected
Here's what surprised me most. He didn't tell me to become a different person. He gave me a few small, practical fixes.
First, he said my extraversion was so high that I just needed to lower it for 20 seconds out of every day. That's it. Twenty seconds is long enough to have the tough conversation instead of cracking a joke to get out of it.
Second, hold people accountable to the standard. When the standard is clear, you're blaming the standard and not yourself for holding them to it. You're not the bad guy. The standard is the standard.
Third, use a calendar. I don't naturally follow through on what doesn't interest me, so I needed a system that does it for me.
Fourth, use the CRM. He told me I had a habit of taking notes on a piece of paper and throwing the paper away before everything on it was done. He was right. That one stung.
None of this was about changing my drives. It was about building systems for the things that don't come naturally, so my natural strengths could do their job.
Build systems for what doesn't come naturally, and let your natural strengths do their job.
Why self-awareness is a leader's first job
My nephew was 14 when I asked him how he picks his team in his favorite video game. He said, "I use data. I use information." He knew every player's strengths and weaknesses, and he knew exactly which position each one should play.
A 14-year-old uses data to build his team. Most businesses don't.
It starts with you. Even if you run a one-person business, you're playing a role on your own team. Which parts of the work fit how you're wired? Which parts are you forcing yourself through every day? When you try to do things you're not naturally gifted at, it doesn't mean you can't do them, and it doesn't mean you can't be good at them. It just means you should ask yourself why you're doing them.
Self-awareness isn't a personality quiz. It's the first page of your people plan. Once you know how you're wired, you start to see how everyone around you is wired, and you can lead each person the way they need to be led. That's what next week's post is about, and it's the heart of our Executive Coaching.
Three questions to ask yourself this week
- Where do my drives help me, and where do they get in my way? Be specific. Name a meeting or a conversation from this week.
- What do I avoid because it doesn't come naturally? Then ask what system would cover it: a calendar, a checklist or a person.
- Who on my team is wired differently from me? Am I leading them my way, or theirs?
If you want to see your own drives, the free assessment takes about six minutes. There are no right or wrong answers, and I'll walk you through your results myself.
So, what are your Drives?
Questions readers ask
Dominance is how much influence you seek. Extraversion is how much interaction you need. Patience is how fast you want to move. Formality is how much structure you want. Everyone has all four, at different strengths.
No. None of the drives are good or bad. They are information about how you are naturally wired, and how you can work with that instead of against it.
Your natural drives are steady through adult life. What you can change is how you adapt, and the systems you build for the things that do not come naturally, like a calendar for follow-through.
About six minutes. There are no right or wrong answers, your results are yours to keep, and Mike walks you through them personally.
Mike McCloskey
Founder and CEO of HumanLytics Team. Helping leaders turn people data into a people plan.
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